


moonlight.

by fkeyouout



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Blurryface Era, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Denial, Developing Friendships, Early Days, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Insomnia, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Regional At Best Era, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Touring, Van Days, Vessel Era, and confused, kind of, tyler is confusing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-02-01 02:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12695481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fkeyouout/pseuds/fkeyouout
Summary: he was the proof that there would always be light in the darkness.





	1. one.

He meets Josh for the first time in the back alley of a tiny hometown venue, exhausted and sweaty and his veins rushing with the adrenaline of the cheering crowd.

Tyler vaguely remembers Chris mentioning something about bringing a friend along to their show tonight, back when they’d been packing their gear into Nick’s tiny van back at the rental house, and he definitely remembers seeing that face in the midst of the crowd less than 10 minutes ago, but the puzzle pieces don’t fit into place until Chris speaks up in response to the silent question painted across his expression.

“This is Josh, my drummer buddy. You know, the one I mentioned earlier?”

_Josh._

The name suits him, Tyler decides. With his slightly breeze-ruffled curls of brown hair, and his soft, squinted eyes glazed over as though he was daydreaming, and those weird white circle things stretching his ears that the other brunette can’t quite remember the name of.

For some reason, Tyler really wishes that their dimmed lighting of the moon was a little brighter, and that there weren’t so many shadows obstructing his full view of Josh’s face.

It suits him.

“Sure,” Tyler nods, working to keep the waver of uncertainty out of his voice as he brushes the sheen of sweat still lingering on his hand onto the leg of his pants, and holds it out towards Josh with a smile. “Josh. Thanks for coming to the show, man. It means a lot.”

"You're Tyler," Josh blurts out in response, more of a statement than a question, and with a faint blush beginning to tint his cheeks as he tugs his bottom lip between his teeth; the unfamiliar brunette reaching out to meet Tyler's own hand with quick shake and a flash of a smile that Tyler thinks is even brighter than the moon. "Awesome show, seriously, dude.. It was so sick. One of the best I've been to in a while."

"Yeah? We're a little.. _out there,_ I guess," he hums, that same wave of relief washing over him that comes with every successful show, and his smile instantly widening a little against his own will at the pure sincerity of Josh's compliment as he carefully retracts his hand to instead graze it back through his slightly sweat matted hair. "Glad you dig it anyway though, man."

It would've been hard not to mirror the other man's smile anyway, Tyler considers.

"I would've bought your demo if Chris hadn't already forcefully donated a copy to me just last week," Josh smiles, thumb signalling in the direction of their mutual friend who seems to be retreating to the back entrance of the venue to help Nick out and unhelpfully leaving the two of them alone without another word.

Not that he'd ever admit it out loud, or that he's even sure why he feels the way that he does, but Tyler feels a wave of relief at the brief disappearance of the other man. And something inside of him tells him that he's going to be seeing a lot more of Josh's face now anyway.

"You've already listened?"

"Sort of?" Josh admits honestly, his eyes squinting ever so slightly at the corners as he bites at his bottom lip again almost apprehensively in a way that only draws Tyler's attention back to his smile. He notices a faint hole just beneath, from another piercing, a lip ring probably. It's oddly captivating. "I caught one or two on the drive over here, but it's always feels better to listen live for the first time anyway.. y'know?"

"Dude, yes!" Tyler groans out in agreement, slapping one hand over his heart dramatically and beaming in the other boy's direction with a newfound rush of passion behind his originally empty words as he silently questions why Chris has never introduced him to said drummer buddy before now. "Live music, it's kinda.. there's this vibe in the room, like everyone is-"

"Connected?" Josh finishes faultlessly, as if he'd stolen the thought straight from the brunette's mind.

"Connected, _yeah,_ " he gushes, voice a little too excitable for someone who claimed to have no energy left only minutes ago, and uncaring of the way he can feel his dimples practically digging into his cheeks as reaches up to scratch aimlessly at the faint stubble itching his chin. "It's just.. an experience, like nothing else. Live music is something else, man."

"I-"

"As much as I hate to break this up already," Chris interrupts with a forced smile, a little breathless and significantly sweatier than he had been beforehand as he slaps a hand against Josh's shoulder and glances between the two of them, "Do you need a ride home, J? We really need to get going now, so you can tag along for Taco Bell first if you want or.."

"Oh no, it's fine, seriously," Josh brushes off instantly, the brief stutter in his words covered up quickly with another smile and his gaze lingering on Tyler's disappointed own for just a beat or so too long. "I wouldn't want to like.. intrude.. and I need to get going anyway. Early shift tomorrow, but thanks for the invite tonight, man. I'm glad I came."

Tyler decides that he's glad that Josh came too.

~

Tyler’s mind was cursed, and he knew that.

Cursed because it favoured keeping him awake at night, filling him with looming thoughts of failure and defeat and breakdown after breakdown that tended to latch themselves onto each other in a glorious web of dejection; one that was resistant to being dusted away and only seemed to multiply like an infestation with every minute that passed by.

And each minute seemed more like an hour whenever he was in the back of the van. Colder inside than out, the constant dull whirring of the engine drumming itself into the back of his mind, and his back jolting with each pothole Michael accidentally hit along the way.

He was cursed.

“Josh,” Tyler whispers, careful to not disturb a sleeping Mark in the front seat as he peers into the back of the van, with an unfocused squint into the looming darkness. “Josh.. are you awake?”

There’s a slight twitch beneath the unzipped sleeping bag being used as a makeshift comforter and a low grunt, easily recognisable as Josh’s own, and it’s probably as good as he’s going to get when it’s so stupidly late, he figures.

“Josh,” he tries again, whisper a little more forceful this time around and one hand reaching down behind his seat to poke at whatever part of Josh’s body is within his reach.

Still no verbal response, but now Josh shuffles again and twists his head to peer back up at him; eyes squinted sleepily and barely visible under the hood of his sweatshirt, even with the occasionally passing flashes of dimmed moonlight fading across his face.

“It’s cold as heck, man.”

It isn’t direct, it never is, but Josh understands loud and clear. Like he always does.

Josh lifts the thin blanket draped messily over the top of his sleeping bag, showcasing the Tyler-sized sliver of space just between him and the wall of the van without even a single beat of hesitation.

It’s familiar, almost routine at this point, but Josh doesn’t seem to mind. He never does.

Tyler scrambles over his seat as quietly as physically possible when the springs are known to squeak on occasion, landing with a quiet thud on the mattress just beside the other brunette’s feet. He crawls into the barely there gap, body brushing against Josh’s bundled-up own and flops down with a huff; a wave of slight warmth coming in the form of the shoddy blanket being resettled over both of them and his best friend’s body automatically moulding against him.

Shivering legs pressed together, an arm tossed lazily over his waist and a stubble-covered face mashed against the back of his neck.

It’s natural now.

Although it hadn’t always been.

Not that it had felt unnatural, or even awkward which was considerably strange given their still near stranger status, when the two of them had woken up tangled together that morning on the old couch of Tyler’s rental house after falling asleep at an unholy hour in the morning, exhausted from their ‘getting to know each other turned deep life thoughts’ conversation.

Tyler still distinctly remembers the embarrassed flush that’d burned at his cheeks when he had accidentally woken Josh with a kick to the ribs, and the two of them had shared a flash of a smile so swift that sometimes he wasn’t completely sure that it had actually happened.

But it’s natural now, and Tyler no longer blushes childishly when he and the other brunette wake up face-to-face.

It’s natural.

“You’re freezing,” Josh confirms tiredly, muffled against his neck and brushing a sock-covered foot against the bare skin of Tyler’s leg where his sweats have hitched slightly in his fidgeting. “And I can practically hear you overthinking.”

“It’s always freezing in here,” Tyler corrects, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his hoodie uselessly as a faint gust of cool air pushes in through the crack between the doors; the shiver of his upper body causing Josh’s hold to tighten ever so slightly around him. And as for the overthinking comment, he simply shrugs with a sleepy flutter of his eyes, “Just tired, is all.”

“Tired in general, or tired of something?” Josh asks quietly, well aware of the way his hot breath is tickling the brunette’s neck.

“Tired of this.”

“..Of this?”

“Of never getting to rest,” Tyler begins in a hush, eyes closed and a spew of unfiltered words slipping from his lips before he can even think twice about it. “Of never getting to sleep in a real bed. Of travelling for miles, for hours, constantly.. back and forwards.. to play for 50 people at most, Josh.. Of being no-one. I know I said I thought we could do it, man, but.. sometimes, I don't know anymore."

It was always the same.

Endless blood, sweat and tears, all shed for nothing more than a handful of casual fans out of state and more than a handful of criticisms.

"We can do it," Josh reassures simply, more confidence in his words than Tyler has heard in a long time and another instinctive shiver running down the length of his spine, though caused from the vibration of his best friend's hum against his skin as opposed to the cool air this time.

It's oddly comforting.

"You think?

"I know."

Both of them know that it isn't necessarily true, because Josh isn't psychic and he definitely can't confirm with certainty exactly what it is that their future as a duo holds, but Tyler believes it anyway.

Because it's Josh.

~

It still wasn’t easy, but it was easier.

Or at least, Josh made it easier.

They weren’t nobodies anymore, at least not in the sense of the music industry itself, but sometimes it still felt unfamiliar. Unfamiliar because it felt like everything had changed the second he signed his name is a messy scrawl just beside Josh’s own on that dotted line, and suddenly everything was new, and meeting with executives from the label was quite frankly terrifying and his stomach seemed to churn with something unidentifiable every single time he and Josh exchanged a look of lingering disbelief on stage – whether it was nerves, excitement or something else completely, Tyler didn’t know.

They weren’t playing to double figures or less anymore, but turnouts were still uncertain, or at least it always felt that way. Uncertain because there was always that looming possibility that nobody would show, that people would get bored of them, that they’d run out onto stage only to look out into an empty venue and see nothing but their own shadows.

They weren’t cramped into the back of that undersized, rickety van anymore, having to take repetitive driving shifts for hours on end just to reach one small venue and sleep on the squeaky seats or the cold mattress, but something felt distant. Distant because Josh was no longer always one simple touch away, and separate bunks meant Tyler no longer needed to wake a sleepy Josh during those insomnia-ridden nights in request for the presence of his warmth and calming breaths.

Though Tyler wasn’t quite sure why that last one bothered him so much.

Or why it had bothered him so much to the point that he’d resorted to instead curling up on the couch of the tour bus, that really shouldn’t have classified as a couch with its stiff cushions and minimal space, and exhaustedly watching the moon from beyond the window instead of sleeping ahead of their hometown show tomorrow.

There’s a quiet thud against the floor, a barely audible shuffle and a glimpse of familiar brown curls just out of the corner of his eye, and then Josh is settling into what little space is left on the couch in a mirror image; knees pulled up to his chest, eyes sleepy and a flash of concern in his expression.

He has a Mohawk kind of thing going on now, shaved at the sides and a mess of curls on the top.

Tyler thinks it suits him, and makes him look like a mix of something between the innocently harmless Josh that he knows and loves, and the punk rock dudes that he used to get his record recommendations from as a teenager.

It’s different, but it’s still Josh.

“I can still hear you overthinking,” Josh supplies in a way of greeting, eyes drooping slightly as he rests his chin on top of his knees and not so subtly trails his gaze across the expanse of Tyler’s equally exhausted face. “Even when you’re not stealing all of my blankets and humming to yourself.”

“Can’t sleep,” Tyler shrugs simply, finding the tip of his tongue at a loss for any further explanation and his gaze unwavering from where it’s still pinned to what’s visible of the moon. Even he doesn’t know why he’s still awake.

“You hardly ever get enough sleep.”

“I guess I’ll just get some sleep when I’m dead,” he quips in retaliation to Josh’s undeniable claim, arms wrapping themselves a little tighter around his legs as he peers over to the other brunette with a tired blink and the beginnings of a faint smile. He blinks again, once, twice, and focuses on the way the reflection of the moon makes the faint freckles on Josh’s nose stand out.

He isn’t quite sure why he takes note of those insignificant details so often either.

“That’d be a sick lyric, dude,” Josh smiles in suggestion, eyes crinkling ever so slightly at the corners as he nudges the younger boy’s foot with his own in a playful gesture; sock covered toes wiggling against him.

“Yeah,” Tyler blindly agrees with a furrow of his eyebrows as the thought lingers in their silence, the cogs of his mind seeming to slowly start up again and a note or two of a new piano melody already twitching at his fingertips. “.. _Yeah._ ”

No further discussion necessary, Tyler instantly reaches into the pocket of his hoodie and tugs out his phone, opening up the notes app and tapping out his scrambled thoughts with a rhythmic drum of his fingers against the screen.

It’s perfect.

“Dude.”

He gazes at the other brunette with another blink of something comparable to disbelief, and Tyler is almost completely certain that he has a starry-eyed look on his face right now that could rival Josh’s own, his eyes glinting with an emotion Tyler can’t quite place and his bottom lip threaded between his teeth, like always.

“You’re a genius.”

“Dude,” Josh echoes quietly, trailing off into a breathy laugh as his foot grazes the side of the younger’s leg again and his gaze flickers to Tyler’s lips for a second so nimble that it’s almost like their bashfully exchanged smile – leaving him unsure as to whether it really happened, or whether it’s just his sleep deprived mind playing tricks on him. “If anyone’s the genius here, it’s you.. You speak lyrics like they’re your first language, you literally just did it a minute ago.”

"I wouldn't have put my thoughts into words if you hadn't questioned it, though," Tyler points out with a quirk of a challenging eyebrow at the other brunette, feeling himself automatically relax beneath the consistent contact of Josh's warmth against his bare skin and resting his head against the window.

"I guess not," Josh whispers, automatically mirroring the gentle smile of admiration on Tyler's own lips, without even a slight break in their shared stare, as he rests his chin back onto the small dent just between his huddled knees. "We make a good team."

 _He's_ perfect.

Although Tyler can't quite find it in him to make sense of that fleeting thought for the time being either.

"Yeah, we do."

 


	2. two.

He meets Jenna for the first time just beside the merch stand in a not so tiny hometown venue, still exhausted and sweaty and his veins still rushing with the adrenaline of the cheering crowd even after countless similar shows.

Tyler doesn't think that he's ever seen her around before, because he was sure that there was no chance in hell that his brain would let him forget her if he had, although he definitely remembers catching a glimpse of her face towards the back of the crowd towards the end of trees, laughing at something the merch girl had said and barely batting a single eyelid in the direction of the stage, but what he does know is that he has no plans to leave the venue without at least knowing her name.

He barely even has the chance to catch his breath, to swipe the lingering sweat from his forehead, to switch into a cleaner shirt, before his feet are instinctively leading him in her direction with a breathless pant and a tired smile shot in the direction of the brunette neatly folding up loose t-shirts on the table.

He needs to know her name.

"Ty! Hey," the younger girl smiles, tearing her gaze away from the mysterious blonde at the sound of his approaching breathlessness with only a brief flash of confusion in her eyes, "I thought you'd be packing up already in a rush to go and celebrate.. It's not everyday you get to tell your fans that you've just been signed to a huge label, huh?"

It still doesn't sound right, Tyler decides, as the words somehow manage to make themselves sound foreign even when they're being spoken by someone other than himself or Josh. It still hasn't sunken in, even with the proud cheers of his favourite people still ringing in the back of his mind.

It still doesn't make sense to him.

"Right, it's.. _yeah._ Crazy," Tyler sighs with a tangle of fingers back through his sweat-matted hair, feeling a twinge of frustration deep down in his stomach at his inability to compose a more thoughtful response given his reputation, but the feeling being overpowered by the increasingly prominent, and increasingly nervous thump of his heart against his chest as the blonde tilts her head at him. Index finger looping a little tighter around one longer strand, he signals towards the half-emptied merch stand with a smile, "Just came to say thanks.. for, y'know, doing this for us. I'm sure you had better ways to spend your Friday night."

"You know I'd never turn down the chance to see a free show," she teases, smile bright and hands working quickly as she packs the last of the remaining merch into the cardboard box just beside her; of course, also taking notice to the way he can't stop his eyes from flitting back to the pretty blonde, as she introduces with a quirk of her eyebrow, "This is Jenna, by the way. A high school friend of mine, and sister-in-law of Mark."

_ Jenna. _

It suits her, Tyler decides. 

"Hi," he just about manages to breathe out in greeting, attempting to calm his nerves as to not sound so much like a lovesick teenage boy as he flashes a shaky smile in her direction, "Tyler. It's nice to meet you. Sorry about all of the.. _sweat._ "

She laughs sweetly, presumably at the awkward crack in his voice that only deepens the flush of his cheeks, and beams back at him; shining eyes squinted ever so slightly at the corners and with a smile that Tyler thinks is even brighter than the sun.

He only ever wants to see sunshine again, he decides.

~

He isn't quite sure exactly how it happens, but Jenna becomes suddenly prominent in his life, almost as quick as Josh himself had done so.

Almost every day of those few weeks leading up until his flight out to LA is spent with the blonde by his side; taking her out on dates to all of his favourite places in Columbus with the hope of seeing just a flash of that smile, making a fool of himself by singing her cheesy songs and attempting to teach her endless piano melodies just to pull another round of that angelic laugh from her lips, and snapping endless pictures of her on his phone just to savour during their time apart; ones of her with flushed cheeks in his backyard, giggling as she shies away from the camera, and one of her wearing a stolen hoodie and sleeping on his shoulder mid-movie that he'd shamelessly saved as his home screen without a second thought.

She's perfect, so he tries to ignore the unidentifiable niggling sensation deep in his stomach every time they're together, because he's certain that it must just be nerves for the upcoming change in his career.

She's _so perfect_ , in fact, and such a welcomed distraction, that Tyler isn't even aware of just how much he missed his best friend over their short break, didn't even notice how distant the two of them had been, until the other brunette is greeting him with a beam of his own blinding smile and a bro-hug at their departure gate at the airport.

It feels right.

LA is unfamiliar territory, and meeting with professionals in legit studios to record his songs for the first time is one of the most intimidating things Tyler is sure he's ever done, but it feels good with Josh by his side. And what feels even better is the wave of euphoria that washes over him, more comparable to a tsunami wave of pure pride, when they finish their final track; a sweat-ridden, flushed and panting Josh clapping their hands together in a high five over his drum-kit as the two of them share that same lingering look of disbelief.

Whether it's still those lingering nerves, excitement for what's to come or something else completely, Tyler still isn't sure.

But it doesn't matter regardless, because it feels right.

He's exhaustedly staring up at a chip of paint on the ceiling when the muffled sound of the running shower water shuts off completely, followed by a quiet thud, and then he catches a glimpse of those same brown curls out of the corner of his eyes; now wet, and plastered to Josh's head in a untamed mess as he wanders over to his suitcase silently in what Tyler assumes is a search for some underwear.

He's not a fan of the stray droplets of water still trailing the length of Josh's back, like he'd mentioned to Josh himself more times than he could count, but Tyler was admittedly fascinated by the way they emphasised the scattering of freckles that covered his shoulders.

Not that he'd mention that one to Josh, though.   

"You look tired," Josh observes simply, towel gone and now sporting a pair of plain black boxer shorts, as he tugs a white t-shirt over his head carelessly; a stray curl falling in his face and patches of the material instantly beginning to cling to his damp skin.

"Mhm.." Tyler hums in agreement, pushing himself up by his elbows with a drawn out stretch in an attempt to work out the kink building in his lower back. He shoots a sleepy smile in the other brunette's direction anyway though, and clarifies, "Happy tired, though. Relieved.. The last time I remember the two of us being alone in a hotel room like this was when we were touring in the van. You remember that one night when we broke down in Indiana on the drive home, and had to check into that crappy motel in the middle of nowhere and-"

"-share one bed between the four of us?" Josh completes effortlessly with a grin, eyes crinkled at the corners as he settles himself just beside Tyler on top of the sheets with an accidental graze of his bare thigh against the younger's own. "How could I forget? I know I'm used to waking up with you invading my personal space, but waking up with Mark literally on top of me and drooling in my face was slightly scarring, dude."

Tyler can't help but smile at the memory, feel a faint blush tinge his cheeks at the other boy's words despite the normalcy of waking to the sight of a sleepy Josh only breaths away from his face now.

"That feels like it was just last week, or something.. And now we're here," he murmurs with a disbelieving furrow of his eyebrows, and tilts his head to look back up at Josh with a tug of his bottom lip between his teeth. "In LA, signed to a label. Just finished recording our first studio album. Kind of feels like it hasn't even sunk in yet."

He's not sure whether it'll ever really sink in, whether it'll stop feeling liked some surreal fever dream, whether he'll wake up one day to find out that none of it was even his reality.

"It's insane," Josh admits, words trailing off into a round of his breathy laugh and his hand reaching forward to rest itself just above the younger's knee; thumb skimming across his skin soothingly and causing a fresh round of goosebumps to prick up on the length of Tyler's arms regardless of the hotel room's warmth. 

It's natural, though.

Tyler glances down at the touch, feels his stomach twist ever so slightly at the sight, and meet's Josh's gaze again with a smile.

"I told you we'd be able to do it,” the other brunette reminds him, an air of satisfaction in his words at his impeccable prediction of their future success, and Tyler only nods in response, because he’d never doubted Josh anyway.

There’s a passing beat of silence between the two of them and a barely audible squeak of the mattress springs as Josh readjusts his position, and there’s no use holding back the words dancing on the tip of his tongue when the moment feels so right, he figures.

“I never would’ve been able to do this without you, you know?” Tyler hums, tentative and quiet at first, and his fingers reaching down to fumble with the hem of his own t-shirt as a way of distraction. “It sounds.. _cliche_ , and kind of pathetic, but I think I would’ve given up way back when Nick and Chris first started talking about moving on if it hadn’t been for you. There’s no way I would’ve gone out on my own looking for new band members, or carried on travelling around on my own in that damn van. We wouldn’t be a thing at all if it weren’t for you.” 

“You’re the most dedicated person I know, dude.. You would’ve been fine without me,” Josh smiles softly, tone joking but his words entirely serious as he bumps his arm gently against the younger’s own in spite of the fact that the distance between them is minimal anyway; the faint hairs dusting Josh’s pale skin already grazing against him in a way that only added to the tiny goosebumps covering his bare arms.

“I’m glad I’ve been here to do this whole thing with you, though.”

He can’t even begin to imagine doing this without Josh now, or even imagine living his everyday life without the other brunette, for that matter.

“I’m glad you’re here too,” Tyler smiles, fingers untangling themselves from the thread he’d managed to pull loose on his t-shirt as the faint murmurs of sound from whatever terrible show he’d left playing on the television fills the quiet air; instead reaching out to poke gently at one of the wet patches of t-shirt clinging to Josh’s stomach. “Even if you are a crazy person who doesn’t dry off properly after showering.”

Josh laughs lightly, the breathy laugh that makes the corner of his eyes crinkle, and his gaze trails down ever so slightly until it lingers on the brunette's lips without even an attempt to disguise the blatant staring. He swallows forcefully enough that Tyler can see his adams apple shift, barely even leaving enough time for either of them to properly comprehend what’s happening, and leans down to press their lips together.

The fingers lacing themselves into the curls at the nape of his neck, the warmth of Josh’s breath against his skin, the lingering taste of mint on his lips - it _should_ feel natural, Tyler _wants_ it to feel natural.

Because it’s Josh.

But it doesn’t, or at least, it doesn't feel the same as when he kisses Jenna.

Tyler freezes in place, breath hitching in his throat and the hand pressed against the other brunette’s stomach instantly dropping back onto the sheets.

Josh freezes too, sensing the hesitation in the way the brunette has practically stopped breathing, or maybe even being hit with the sudden realisation of his own mistake in the heat of the moment, and pulls back ever so slightly; the chapped touch of his lips gone but the newfound shakiness in his breath leaving Tyler’s lips burning.

“ _Ty_.”

It's only a whisper, barely even that, but it's still enough to shatter the deafening silence between them like a brick to a damn glass window.

"I.. I just thought that-"

" _Josh._ "

The wavering call of the other boy's name, tender and ungracefully cracking mid-syllable, interrupts the rambled explanation; the sudden loss of light from Josh's eyes and the falling of every pretty feature on his face almost perfectly mirroring the way his words faltered too.

"-you felt it too.."

That same damn feeling, the one he gets when the other brunette meets his gaze across the stage, makes itself suddenly prominent deep in his stomach; this time feeling less right, and more like he's somewhere in between fainting and throwing up the entirety of guts all over his best friend within a matter of seconds.

"Josh, I'm not.." Tyler just about manages to choke out, the rest of his sentence dying out on his tongue despite the words ringing loud and clear in his mind and reminding him exactly why it suddenly felt less right, and his gaze automatically escaping the insecurity of Josh's own. " _Not-_ "

" _Don't,_ " he hisses beneath his breath, trembling hands pulling away completely as he stands from the bed with a stumble and soft eyes giving the brunette one last watery glance as he backs away - somehow looking even more vulnerable than Tyler had remembered him being on the night that they met. "Just don't, Tyler."

The door slams before the younger even has the chance to ramble out another pathetic excuse.

~

The kiss.

It's forgotten about, or at least, not mentioned between the two of them in the passing months. Never acknowledged, never recognised as something that happened between the two of them.

Forgotten about being the wrong term completely for Tyler though, and he knows that, as much as his head is telling him to deny it, because he'd be lying if he said that he could stop his mind from wandering back to the feeling of Josh's nerve-bitten lips brushing shakily against his own, or the faint taste of minty toothpaste and cheap coffee on his breath that night - a simple kiss from Jenna being enough to temporarily wash away those thoughts, though.

Perfectly plump, soft and cherry chapstick tasting lips feel more right, he convinces himself.

He doesn't see Josh again, alone at least, until their first show since the album release - backstage, at the basement, where the two of them stand little over five feet apart on their red-tape marked spots on the ground as a cue of their entrance routes; that usual bout of stomach churning nerves and mouth-drying anticipation making another appearance as they share a half-hearted smile of encouragement. 

It’s not perfect, but it’s okay.

They’ll survive, Tyler figures, just like they’d made it through every other bump in their road in the past. 

It’s okay. 

Things only begin to become _not okay_ when a certain familiar face begins making regular appearances in the stage wings during shows; her bright eyes glistening with adoration as she watches on, even in the shadows, and that damn smile that managed to turn his legs to jelly every single time beaming at him brighter than the stage lights themselves - he’s grateful, of course he is, because he knows that this kind of unconditional support is rare, but Tyler’s other and original unconditional supporter really doesn’t feel the same.

To say he hadn’t noticed would’ve also been a lie - everyone, Mark, Michael and the rest of the crew, saw the awkward, lingering glances between the two of them; Tyler's eyes glinting with the desperate want to cut the tension between them, to say the words that he couldn't bring himself to say, while the other brunette just looked as though he was desperate to escape. They all took notice to the way Josh seemed to turn down the invites to nights out and typical tourist trips in whatever new city they were in that week whenever the blonde just so happened to be tagging along too. And it was near impossible to ignore the way his face dropped, the soft crinkles of his eyes turning into lines of a faint frown instead, whenever he caught sight of Jenna planting a kiss of congratulations on Tyler's cheek post-show.

It only goes from not okay, to somehow even worse, when Tyler goes back to the bus early one night after a show to the sight of his best friend seemingly more broken than ever; head in Michael's lap, hood pulled up over his messy hair and a trembling hand swiping away all evidence of tears on his still flushed cheeks.

The sound of the younger's stumbling feet make him flinch; there's an almost silent sniffle from beneath the shelter of his hoodie, another frantic wipe of his eyes, and then Michael is staring back at him - the pity being obvious enough in his eyes that he doesn't even need the tentative frown to go alongside it.

"You two need to talk."

It's direct, clear, straight to the point, and so far from their usual move of tip-toeing around clarity that it stuns Tyler into acceptance; a silent nod being his only response.

Josh and Michael exchange a look, one he'd rather not question, Tyler figures, and then their other friend is making his exit with one last comforting pat to the older boy's shoulder.

"C'mere," Tyler more or less whispers, careful to avoid that oncoming crack in his own voice as he buries his hands into the loose pocket of his own hoodie with a tilt of his head towards the outdoor steps of the bus.

The show of poorly disguised dread that flashes across his best friend's face at the simple gesture makes him think that Josh is going to make a run for the hills while he can, but he doesn't. The shuffle of his socked feet across the floor is faint, and then Josh is slumping down next to him on the steps with a shaky sigh; legs pulled up to his chest, as usual, and his watery gaze looking anywhere but directly at the brunette.

It's quiet - too quiet, with only the distant noises of the city traffic and the sound of the other brunette anxiously picking at his nails filling the break in conversation.

"I'm sorry."

It isn't specified exactly what it is he's sorry for, _everything_ being the answer, but Josh seems to understand, like always.

Josh nods, fingers moving to instead fidget with the strings of his hoodie and visibly shivering at the cool breeze of the night air, as he instinctively shifts closer to the younger in a move that always managed to keep them warm back in the van days.

"I didn't mean to.. react the way I did," Tyler murmurs in a sudden burst of confidence, a sudden need to say the things he needed to say, with a gentle nudge of his arm against his best friend's own. "It was.. a shock. I just wasn't expecting _that_ , it took me off guard and I.. it just didn't feel right knowing that Jenna was back home and waiting and-"

"It hurt," Josh confirms uselessly, his own voice hoarse and eyelashes still blinking wetly as he turns to face the younger properly for the first time in longer than either of them can remember and meets Tyler's equally pained gaze. "But I can't blame you for that. There was always the chance that you weren't gonna feel the same, I just stupidly took the risk."

"J, it's not that-"

"You don't have to do this, Tyler," he interrupts again with a shake of his head, eyebrows furrowing as he considers his next words carefully; those same, adorable crinkles appearing beside his reddened eyes as he squints. "I just.. want things to go back to the way they were. Forget that I ever did that.. I mean, it's just some.. _crush._ I'll get over it." 

Tyler thinks that some crush is a slight understatement, given how badly his actions seemed to have hurt the other boy, and just how distant he is around the other current holder of the brunette's heart, but he doesn't want to push Josh to admit that - doesn't want to screw things up again, so he just nods.

"I really do like her, Josh," Tyler hums in a break of the few passing beats of silence between the two of them, leaning closer to the older to rest his head atop of Josh's hooded own and playfully nudging their knees together. With a slight shake of anticipation in his breath, he adds, "And I think you'd like her too, if you got to know her.. I'd really like it if the two of you could be friends. I mean, you're sort of the two most important people in my life right now."

He needs them both, for it to feel right again.

"I need you, J."

Almost instantly, Tyler decides, that those were maybe the wrong words to use in their predicament; the other brunette's poorly disguised and choked-up sob making that more obvious than a slap in the face as he tucks his head into the crook of the younger's neck. The warmth of Josh's breath against his skin feels normal again, but the damp patch of tears that he can feel forming just above his collarbone feels more wrong than ever.

It makes his stomach turn, with that same twisted sensation - he had always wanted to believe that the reoccurring feeling was just nerves for the future, but this time it leaves him unable to put his finger on exactly why the boy in his arms always seems to be the catalyst.

He peers down at the older with a watery blink of his own, and Tyler is sure that he feels his heart join in with the sickening flips of his stomach at the sight of Josh's empty expression. He looks tired, and he doesn't look like himself, but the way the light from the half-moon in the sky makes tiny eyelash shaped shadows appear on his wet cheeks is still perfect.

He's perfect.

"I love you," Josh whispers, not even a stutter or a stumble in his quietly confident confession, as he tentatively links his fingers with those of the other brunette's outstretched hand.

He's his best friend - _of course_ he loves Josh too.

Finding the tip of his tongue numb and at a loss for any verbal confirmation though, Tyler simply presses a tender kiss to the other boy's curls, and hopes that Josh understands the sentiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline is a mess.


	3. three.

They move on.

_He_ moves on, and as much as Tyler wants to be happy about it, he can't stop the return of that unsettling, niggling sensation deep in his stomach when he sees Josh's phone lighting up with notifications; eyes crinkled softly and his biting smile unstoppably stretching across his face as he reads and replies to endless texts from someone new. He can't stop that pang of disappointment from rattling through his body when a fuzzy, fan-taken photo of his best friend holding hands with a mysterious redheaded girl in LA, one who is clinging to his bicep as the tip of her nose brushes his cheek, surfaces on twitter, and suddenly starts appearing everywhere he looks.

He can't help but feel anything but sick, as though his breakfast of redbull and cinnamon toast crunch is about to come straight back up without warning, when Josh turns up to their first lunch meeting after their short break still glued to his phone with that dumb, lovestruck smile pulling at his bitten lips and looking.. not like his Josh at all. 

They're only small changes, but the older boy seems far from the Josh that he had first met in that back alley, Tyler thinks. With his hair still shaved slightly on the sides, although a little longer than the last time they'd seen each other, but now an unnatural orange colour on top, and the five o'clock shadow making an appearance on his face, and a new black pair of those weird circle things in his ears that the other brunette still can't seem to remember the name of.

It's different.

And Tyler can't help but feel his heart ache a little in his chest at the thought, although he isn't quite sure why.

"That's... new," Tyler supplies instead of a common greeting, holding back the urge to instantly bombard his best friend with questions about _her_ as he signals to Josh's new hairstyle with his water bottle, and raises a questioning eyebrow in his direction. "Orange?"

"What do you think?" Josh beams back at him, clearly pleased with the change in look, and with another adorable squint of those eyes as he takes the seat in front of the brunette; fidgeting fingers brushing back through the brightly-coloured curls with a slight shrug. "Wasn't my idea to start with, but I'm actually really digging it now."

It's already obvious exactly who's idea the disappearance of Tyler's favourite brown curls had been, but he asks the question anyway.

"So.. who's idea was it then?" He pushes, not necessarily looking for an answer, just a confirmation, as he tilts his head in examination of the colour choice; gaze naturally drawing itself back to the other boy's apprehensive smile, with his bottom lip being tugged back between his teeth and the barely visible piercing hole just beneath making an appearance. "It's.. something. Different. Never thought I'd see the day that Josh Dun had crazy coloured hair."

Josh pauses for a split second, the look the brunette has learnt to be a sign of guilt over their friendship flickering briefly in his eyes, and begins to fiddle with the little cardboard coaster on the table in front of him. "A friend.. from LA. I went to visit her a couple of weeks back."

Of course.

"Yeah.. I've seen," Tyler nods, in reference to that paparazzi-style picture that seemed to find it's way even into his obscure dreams, and unscrews the lid of his water bottle; taking a sip in the hopes that the bottle would somehow manage to disguise the oncoming scowl that came alongside his next question. "How did you even meet her?"

"Dustin actually introduced us a few months ago, when I flew out to LA for his birthday. She was at this party and we talked a little, but I never really spoke to her again until, y'know.. last month," the older boys shrugs as his fingers tap rhythmically, a talent Josh couldn't even rid himself of in daily life, against the wooden top of the table, almost as if he's hesitant to even continue; he chews at the inside of his cheek, and adds, "It's uh, Debby, actually."

"And the orange hair?"

"Oh, yeah.. it's just that I wanted change, you know? She convinced me to start with something that I'd always wanted to do, but never been sure about. And I think it's been good for me,"  Josh admits, the faintest smile beginning to grace his own lips. "Helping me to move on. Change is good."

Tyler wants to argue that change isn't in fact good, but it is one of his worst nightmares; one of the things that leaves him sleepless at night and can make his stomach twist and turn endlessly at the thought of things not being the same. But he just nods approvingly, more for Josh's sake than his own.

"I'm just glad you're doing better, man," he concludes, an overwhelming feeling of genuine sincerity filling him, as he reaches across the table without a hint of hesitation that probably should've stopped him; gently bumping his fingers against Josh's own and loosely lacing them together as he takes in how truly happy his best friend looks compared to the last few times they'd seen each other. "I'm happy for you."

"..I'm happy for you too, Ty," Josh echoes, the slight pause in his own sentiment being brushed off with a gentle squeeze of their intertwined fingers and another faint flash of that ever shy smile, "You know that, right?"

"I know."

~

The months pass by like a whirlwind - barely even leaving Tyler with a single second alone with his thoughts as they rush from show to show, from interview to interview, from one state to another. It's not that it's a necessarily new concept to them, because the constant back and forth has always been exactly that for them - a constant - but it still feels different.

Everything feels different, and so far from the way that he and Josh first started out that it should feel wrong. 

It _would_ feel wrong, if only things weren’t going so ridiculously right for them. 

Never in Tyler's life did he think that one day, post-show, he'd have a phone urgently shoved into his sweaty hand and be met with the voice of the manager of Fall Out Boy inviting both he and Josh to be one of the openers for a month long arena tour, but he'd also never been able to predict any of the things that'd happened to the two of them - it was just another stroke of undeniable luck, he supposed.

And it's good, for both their careers and their souls, respectively. A little wild, of course, but he enjoys finally meeting their label-mates, and playing to crowds bigger than he ever could've foreseen himself in front of, and seeing these new places with new people, and just forgetting the dramas that'd transpired over the first half of their year; it's like he and Josh slowly start the return to whatever 'normal' counts as between them while in the confines of the busy tour bus - no interruptions, no disturbances, just the two of them being each other's support systems.

In his bubble of happiness, he even almost forgets that _she_ exists, until the tour bus pulls into her hometown, that is.

Debby this, Debby that - she was all the older boy had excitedly talked about during the drive there, and as much as Tyler wants to be thankful for the smile she seems to be putting back onto his best friend's face, something just feels wrong. He also figures that he should probably feel guilty for the way he'd avoided the possibility of spending any amount of time with her, by making a mad dash from Josh's dressing room with the lame excuse of needing to pee only seconds after she'd entered the room with a laugh so loud that it put him on edge, yet he feels nothing but an air of wariness when he accidentally catches her gaze during rehearsals that day.

He just wishes he knew why she bothered him so much.

He's expertly navigating the maze of hallways backstage post-show, hair still damp from his shower and a fresh shirt on as the thumping bass of Panic's set echoes through the walls, when he turns the corner and catches sight of them just outside of Josh's dressing room; the older's hands holding either side of her face as he presses soft kisses across her skin and she giggles happily.

The whole exchange is the last thing he'd ever want to see, with it being both downright creepy and increasingly irritating to stand there and watch, but it's as if his feet are glued to their spot on the ground.

"I need to go," Debby hums between the pecks, cheeks flushed and eyes fluttering in a sickeningly sweet way, as she wraps her arms tighter around his best friend's still bare stomach. "I'll call you as soon as I finish shooting, okay?"

"Don't go," Josh murmurs lowly, in a way that admittedly makes the brunette squirm on the spot, as he disregards her excuse to leave in favour of further kisses; thumbs brushing across her cheekbones when their lips meet again with a smile.

"Gotta," she reiterates as she untangles her arms, and reaches up to instead run a manicured hand back through artificial orange curls, "Go and enjoy the rest of the show, and I'll see you in the morning."

Josh nods, albeit hesitantly, and gives the redhead one last hug; the tip of his nose just skimming her cheek as he confesses words not meant for Tyler's ears this time around with ease.

"I love you."

"Love you too."

Maybe, he realises in that moment, Josh isn't just _his_ Josh anymore.

 

~

It's hard.

To see them together, to hear about her, to be happy for his best friend.

It's hard, and Tyler only admits that to himself for the very first time since the two of them started dating when shows finish for the summer, and too much of their free time spent together is in her company too - it's unavoidable, of course, with Debby staying with Josh while in Columbus and Jenna finding a new best friend in the overly perky girl, but that doesn't make it any easier.

It doesn't make it easier to watch them fawn over each other like two lovestruck teenagers whenever they're within reaching distance, or to see that crinkly eyed grin and breathy laugh be drawn from Josh's lips by someone other than himself. And catching the occasional glimpse of the two of them kissing, the now blue-haired boy's fingers curling around the nape of her neck tenderly, certainly doesn't make it any easier to repress the memories of _that_ incident that he'd tried so hard to make himself forget.

He knows that it's pathetic, and that he has no reason to feel so overwhelmingly possessive over Josh to the point where it makes him sick to his stomach, but he rationalises that he's simply just concerned for his best friend; that he doesn't want him getting hurt.

At least, that's what he tells Jenna one night, when the blonde calls him out on his rudeness towards Debby and questions what is up with him lately.

He's sure that that's the only reason.

 

~

The beginning of a new tour sounds like hell to most people - the planning, the production, the amount of intricate details that need to go into every aspect of it to relieve his perfectionist personality, but for Tyler, it feels like nothing but relief.

Every single day is tiring, and each separate show is uncertain, but there's nowhere that he feels more comfortable than up on the stage with his best friend, in front of their people; their songs being sung back at them, the endless cheers that leave his ears ringing, and the stories of their survival making every second of the stress beforehand worth it.

And he finally has Josh back to himself.

There's an out of place bang of the bass drum behind him, and a quiet huff of what sounds like frustration that would've gone unheard had there not been a microphone attached to the blue-haired boy's set-up, and then Josh is coming to a halt completely; a hand running back through still sleep-ruffled curls.

"Sorry, let's start again."

"Dude," Tyler starts calmly, settling his microphone back in place on the stand in front of him and turning to face the other boy with a furrow of his eyebrows as he watches Josh's vague expression in the hopes of an unspoken answer. "That's the third time we've tried to practice that opening now, and you've missed the same beat every time.. What's up?"

"Nothing," Josh dismisses instantly, avoiding direct contact with the brunette's gaze in a typical show of his anxious mind and instead staring blankly at the drumsticks in hand; flipping one of them out of habit and resettling himself in his seat with a shake of his head. "Just having an off day. Come on, start again." 

"Josh."

" _Tyler._ "

"J, if you're not focused then neither am I," he points out with a sympathetic frown in Josh's direction, lips curved downwards, and takes a slow, somewhat cautious step towards the drumkit, "You can tell me anything.. You know that, right?"

Tyler knows something is wrong, not just from the lack of concentration, but because that same look of apprehension flashes across the older's face the second the suggestion of talking it out leaves his lips; his already chapped bottom lip being tugged between his teeth tensely and his gaze looking just about everywhere but directly at the brunette as he sighs quietly.

"I know," he confirms in a whisper, fingers tangling together in distraction as he looks past Tyler with a tired blink, and opens his mouth to say something else; instead of words, though, comes a quiet sob, and younger feels his heart shatter in an instant.

He drops his water bottle in favour of running to Josh's side, it landing with loud thump that fills the silence, and wraps his arms tightly around the blue-haired boy before his mind can even begin to tell him otherwise; one hand brushing through the tangle of dyed curls soothingly and a sense of failure already beginning to fill him at not being able to notice that something was wrong beforehand, as Josh buries his face against Tyler's stomach.

All he knows is that he's going to kill whoever caused the tears streaking his best friend's cheeks.

"Sorry," Josh apologises again with a sniffle into the material of his hoodie, eyes still damp at the corners when he looks up at the brunette and wraps his arms a little tighter around where they have a hold on his hips in seek of the mutual comfort that'd always been his go to coping mechanism. "You must be sick of me crying on you by now."

He could never be sick of anything Josh did.

It was their natural, now.

"Don't be ridiculous, man," Tyler hums, quietly confident, and still consistent in his comforting strokes of the other boy's scalp as the thumb of his free hand lifts to softly swipe away at a loose tear lingering under his eye. "If it's worth crying over, then it's worth talking to someone about. I hate seeing you like this, but if what you need is to sit here and get snot all over my new hoodie for the next hour, then I'm not going anywhere."

Josh laughs against him, and it's a shaky breath far from his usual giggle, but it's enough. There's a passing beat of reservation, as if the older is debating whether or not to speak again, and a squeak of the stool beneath him as he shifts, and then Josh breaks the silence with an explanation that he should've seen coming.

"She broke up with me, last night."

The confirmation of the _who_ only serves to make his prior threat that much more serious, and as much as his inner selfishness wants to jump for joy at the revelation, all he feels inside is the heartbreak so clearly painted across his best-friend's face; eyes rimmed red in a way he hadn't noticed earlier on, and the overbearing happiness that'd been slowly built up over the past year gone from his demeanour as if it had never even been there to start with.

"Josh.. I-"

"Please don't pretend that you're sorry, Ty," he interrupts before the brunette can say those exact words, voice raspy and his eyes squeezing shut again as his fingers begin to absentmindedly trace patterns across the small of the younger's back, "I know that you hated her anyway."

"Doesn't mean that I wanted you to get hurt, or to feel this way," Tyler murmurs into his hair with a sigh of his own, leaning in a little closer to rest his head atop of Josh's own in the same place he punctuates his confession with a tentative peck. "You deserve so much better than that, J, believe me. You are one of the sweetest, funniest and most talented guys I know, and if she couldn't see that then she was never worth it in the first place. Don't forget who you are over this, man."

The way Josh's lips return the tender kiss to his sternum, and the way his palm slips beneath the material of the brunette's hoodie to rest flat against the warm skin there shouldn't feel as natural as it does, especially not when he's used to much softer lips and more delicate hands, but he can't quite bring himself to mind.

He can't bring himself to mind even when Mark appears from behind the stage curtain, and shoots the two of them a questioning look.

They'll be okay, he decides.


End file.
